disappointing myself and not living up to my standards is the worst thing of all time ever. i will not go into detail about this as it is far too personal. i will talk about my fear of (most) people.
i can't really explain what it is about people that freaks me out. they just do. since the beginning of middle school, i would get this awful feeling whenever i ventured from home. it took me until this summer to realize that i had frequent panic attacks. i think of myself as a floating orb of consciousness, not an actual person, so whenever i am jolted out of this delusion, i get really weird and start over thinking everything and just go hide until i regain composure.
ghosts and things don't scare me, it is people. remember the stories about the car and the insane guy with the hook hand? remember the ones about the murderer in the closet? these are terrifying. when it is dark upstairs, forget it. i am not going up there. the shower curtain is closed? oh my god there is a psychopath with a knife waiting for me. when i get in my car, there is a person in the back who will kill me. i have nightmares at least 3 times a week about people trying to kill me. most of the time i am playing in my driveway when people start to walk or drive up with machine guns and i can't close the garage door in time. they come into the house and i can't even escape. or i have dreams that i am sitting in my car getting the oil changed or something and then people break the windows open and start trying to kill me. or i am stuck in a warehouse and the people are cornering me and trying and kill me. i think maybe these situations are carried over into real life and freak me out in public places.
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