Sunday, November 4, 2012

Survival of the Prepared-est

I consider myself to be a very prepared person. I have an escape route from every place I frequent. I also have a variety of situations for which I have devised different routes / plans. A zombie apocalypse is no exception.

Surviving a zombie apocalypse is quite simple. Grab as much as you can and run. Tell no one where you're going, just run.

I compare a zombie apocalypse to a nuclear holocaust. Driving away from a nuclear holocaust is no good: you need to get to a fallout shelter. And by God that's what I'd do in the case of zombies. But fallout shelters are hard to come by... so, if I can't find myself a nuclear fallout shelter (which is very likely) this is what I'd do:

(**side note** If I were a zombie, I'd attack at night, therefore I will detail my getaway from my room)

First, I already have a go bag ready next to my bed for any situation. Inside I have a first aid kit, a knife, a lighter, an extra set of clothes (including gloves, socks, and a jacket), ramen packets, aspirin, and a cell phone. When specifically escaping a zombie apocalypse I would also grab one (or two) of the guns in my house, a portable radio, and a water purifier. Last thing - empty out the medicine cabinet.

Everyone is going to drive away, so logically the zombies would attack cars first. No cars for this girl. I'd put my go bag on my back, throw the gun over my shoulder, grab my hammock, and jump out my window. Luckily, I have woods in my backyard. I'd head for those, then run through the fields until I reached an abandoned farm house. At this point, I'd check for any canned food, taking anything I deem useful that won't weigh me down.

Now for transportation. I had a four wheeler in mind, but in case I couldn't find one, I'd hot wire a car. The only reason a car is acceptable at this point is because I'm not longer in the city which is where the zombie epicenter would be. I'd drive fast as hell away from civilization. I was thinking taking back roads across the country. I'm hoping to make it to Wyoming or Montana, but anywhere without a city is fine. Ideally, I'd find myself either a very large tree or a mountain to claim close to some kind of body of water. Here's where the purifier comes in handy, doesn't have to be fresh water! A coating of mud, a roll in the leaves, and I have not only camouflage but also have disguised my scent from zombies.
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Then I'd shoot anything that moved. If it was moving and within eyesight, it'd be -- *BANG* -- dead. Because at some point you have to stop worrying about the zombies and start worrying about the other survivors trying to kill you for supplies.

. . .

I'd probably hang out in that area for a week or two. Maybe three. But never in the exact same spot. I'd learn all the escape routes from my "camp" just in case a stray zombie turns up. After I deemed it long enough in that spot, I'd head south. I now want to get to the coast. All the boats would be abandoned at this point. I'd take all the food I could find, then grab me a fishing pole and some Dramine. With all these supplies, plus the other useful things I'd scavenged for, I'd take off. I'd sail around (zombies can't swim) until I found some island. Maybe I'd stay, or just reload on food, I dunno. But that's how I'd spend the rest of my days - sailing around the world.

. . .

And if anything, living or undead, tried to stop me, I'd blow it's brains out.

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