Survival Checklist

Zombie Apocalypse survival checklist, where shall I start?

Hmm, I'll definitely need a radio for communication. Just in case I'm stuck hiding in my house, I'll want to hear NPR broadcast the latest zombie updates and use my complete lack of radio knowledge to signal the arrival of the zombies. Actually, now that I think about it, I live in the middle of nowhere. I should be completely safe from any attack, they'll surely be dead before they make it all the way up to the Pederson hodge-podge-lodge.

I'll also want some nice food to snack out while the zombies do their thing, like gluten-free crackers or those little boxes of soymilk. If I'm leaving this world, I think it's fair I go out in a nutritious state.

If the zombies somehow find their way out to my little chateaux relaxeaux, I'll definitely need a good Nosler to shoot 'em right in the eyes. If they can kill raccoons, they should certainly kill dead people. That's a little bit of a paradox, don't you think? If the zombies are somehow immune to bullets, I'll send the horses out on a stampede to squash them. For dramatic effect, I'll lead the head of the pack with the Pederson crest, just in case I'm being filmed or something.

If all else fails, I hope the zombies are nice enough to talk over some hot tea and homemade cookies so we can work out our differences and save the human race.