Thursday, November 29, 2012

Satire: UVA Fans


Why hello, My name is Braxton Thorton, a Freshman at the University of Virginia. In my spare time I play Lacrosse and purchase overpriced items that are currently trending, which usually turns into a vicious cycle of constantly buying things that are only trending for the next few months. Maybe I should reconsider that… Anyway, I adore my Cavalier Athletic programs like I love my younger cousin. Even though he’s talentless and has been for many years, I pretend to love him because it what I’m told I’m supposed to be doing. And I’m also apparently supposed to despise this other school in Virginia called Virginia Tech. I think they’re called the “Hogies” or something like that. Personally, I think it’s silly to name a mascot after a sandwich. However, I did encounter a VT fan the other day, and he seemed to know more about UVA athletics than I did, ha, how ironic! But, no matter, I shall still love UVA for the rest of my life, and no matter what silly facts, numbers, or names the enemy throws at me, I shall only respond with the only thing that truly matters in this rivalry, UVA was started by Thomas Jefferson, which makes us infinitely better at all things, including athletics.

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