Somewhere in the universe the Oscars are more important than babies being born.

Somewhere in the universe Anna Hathaway is pissed at Charlize Theron for stealing her pixie cut and nearly identical dress; particularly because Theron looks better. (This probably happened at the Dolby Theatre.) Somewhere in the universe someone is crying because Moonrise Kingdom only received one Oscar nomination; for best writing, as if. (That place would probably be my living room.) Somewhere in the universe someone can't reconcile the fact despite being the creator of the gag inducing Family Guy, Seth MacFarlane is extremely attractive. (Probably also my living room.) Somewhere in the universe Jana Fonda thought it would be a good idea to crown herself the ultimate Golden Girl. Somewhere in the universe Jennifer Lawrence needs to fire whatever gay person dressed her. Somewhere in the universe Meryl Streep thinks there is one style of dress with simply different fabrics; she is forgiven, however, because, well, for lack of a better reason, she is Meryl Streep. Somewhere in the universe Daniel Day Lewis can't help but makes jokes where jokes typically aren't made. Somewhere in the universe Michelle Obama made it official, she is the Jackie O of our generation-presenting best picture, you can't make this shit up. Somewhere in the universe someone is kicking himself for not going to see Argo. Somewhere in the universe someone's father may or may not have just told said someone to go to bed, to which a bird may have been given to the father. Somewhere in the universe the Oscar loosers want to kill Seth MacFarlance and Kristin Chenoweth and go get drunk.
Goodnight.