Sunday, December 9, 2012

Timmy the Toilet Paper Square

I began life in the core of a tree. Very early on, however, my tree was cut down.  I was removed, and gently processed.  At first the change was rough, and a little traumatic, but I soon realized that I was now infinitely superior to me old, woody form.  I am now soft, gentle, and supple to the touch.  I have been bound to many, many brothers via easily-tearable edges, and we are wrapped around something, I closer to the middle.  It is not suffocating, but in fact oddly comforting, to have hundreds of my brethren pressing in around me, all as plush and comfortable as myself.

Then one day, the turning began.  Several times a day, we would all rotate around, and I would feel the weight of a few more of my kin leave my back.  At first I was scared, knowing that I would one day be removed, but then I remembered my last change.  Maybe we were all going to a better place, perhaps to be upgraded yet again.  While I loved my current plush form, any improvements would be amazing!  I resolved to not dread the Turning and the Removal, but to look forward to them.

The day is getting closer.  I can start to see the light through my few layers of brothers above, and feel the freedom of almost no weight bearing down upon me.  And finally they are removed, and I see the world around me!  I am in a small room, perched next to a strange white contraption.  That must be the conversion station!  All that remains is to wait a little while longer, basking in the warm sunlight streaming through the window above.

My wait only lasted a couple hours.  A human male enters the room, and... sits down on the conversion station?  After sitting there for a couple minutes, making some odd, quiet noises, he reaches out his hand, seeking to grab... me!  The time had come!  We are turned one last time, and the human gently separates a few of us from the roll.  We whisper amongst ourselves in barely contained excitement.  The human takes hold of us and folds us together, leaving me exposed on top.  Then he reaches down.  We coast gently through the air in his hand, apparently destined for... wait, what?  I don't think that's... no. No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

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