An Object

Good lord, it is 4 am. Why is that bloody alarm clock going off? You have got to be kidding me. Go back to bed. And shut off those lights. 

Great, you plan on doing the work that you were too lazy to do last night. If you spent as much time working as you did on that ruddy computer you wouldn't have to wake me up at such ungodly hours. 

Thank god, you're gone. Peace at last. Oh never mind. You forgot to close the door and now the dog has seen fit to make me her new chew toy. I hope she chokes. Nevermind, the woman, mother is it?, yanked me out of that beast's jaws. 

Finally, peace. Nothing. Quiet. 

Oh hello. Glad you're back. Actually no. You can leave. Must we make so much noise? Stop that. Get off the computer and work! 

Stop that. No. Oh jesus. Really? I'm going to bed. See you at 4. 

Bastard. 

*Sorry, I'm in a pissy mood tonight. I have no idea what object would say this. Table? Mirror? Book? I don't know. You pick*