Assignment 9: BOO

ZOMBIES HAVE ATTACKED. Detail your survival plan.
(This prompt comes from blog 6. Thank you, Ned Katz and Bram Dutch)

OR

Explain what scares you the most and why.

OR

Describe a moment in which you were fraught with peril. Tell it as a ghost story.

Happy Halloween!

Minimum of 150 words - due Sunday, November 4 at 11:59 pm

Fears: Not being in control
Annoyances: People who attempt to pass laws or rules based on what they think is good for others
Accomplishments: Music
Confusions: People who have lives or jobs that they aren't satisfied with in order to be wealthy or satisfy others around them
Sorrows: wasted time
Dreams: To enjoy the time I have left, to make more positive impacts than negative ones on people generally
Idiosyncrasies: I am a very reciprocal person.
Risks: fun
Beloved posessions: guitars, trombone
Problems: School

People that I like and am friends with think I am generally a nice person. However, people who don't respect me and are not nice to me, Think that Im a total fuckhole. I notice that around mean people, I act completely different than I would if I liked those people. Because of this, leaders or teachers who patronize me or try to control me gain no respect or do not get me to do whatever it was that they wanted me to do. The only way to even tolerate me, let alone work with or enjoy me, is to treat me as an equal and actually consider my thoughts and opinions, then maybe I will do the same for yours.

Alone

Fears - Death, Being left alone (when I don't want to be alone), and Being unable to defend myself.

Annoyances - Stupid People

Accomplishments - Survived so far havn't I?

Confusions - Religion, Economics, Government, The Female Sex

Sorrows - Losing Family

Dreams - To be accepted to Annapolis Naval Academy and graduate as an Engineer for the navy and then continue on to Nuke school and become a Nuclear Engineer. Finishing off my life with retirement on a 1000 acre ranch in Wyoming.

Idiosyncracies - what ever happens to one side of my body has to happen to the other side. (exceptions: Major injuries, writing, etc.) 

Risks - I drive way too fast, Do things that my body will not thank me for when I'm 50, and generally like having lots and lots of fun.

Beloved Possesions - (then) my pocket knife (now) my pocket knife

Problems - Stupid people 

          One of my biggest fears is being alone in an unfamiliar place. Which leads me now to tell you wonderful folks of a time when I realized this was in fact my biggest fear. It all began one day in 2nd grade. Class started as normal with all the regular activities such as the pledge and the math calendar and such. Everyone knew this day was special, despite the regularity of the morning routine. This day we were to embark on a field trip to the Planetarium. I had been waiting for this trip for almost a whole week. We had a wonderful time. If you would like to hear the middle of the story please confront me later. It is a wonderful story, but I do not wish to type it all out. The end is the interesting part so here we go. I had to make a last minute trip to the bathroom before we loaded the buses to leave the planetarium and travel to a park nearby to eat lunch. When I exited the bathroom, I walked down the stairs in just enough time to see my bus... pulling away from the planetarium without me aboard. This is when I fully came to the realization that being left alone is one of my larger fears. The End.

Mr. Bialystock, I cannot function under these conditions!

Fears - permanent physical damage
Annoyances - people who get too worked up about stuff
Accomplishments - quality introspection
Confusions - why some people think it's virtuous to live in poverty
Sorrows - the rape of Captain Jack Sparrow in Disney's On Stranger Tide's
Dreams - complete financial security
Idiosyncrasies - I tend to have a pretty base sense of humor
Risks - mountain biking (Tour guide: "It's better if you go faster." Me: "I'M ABOUT TO F***ING DIE AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO GO FASTER?!?!")
Beloved Possessions, Now and Then - wolf stuffed animal (then), my computer(now)
Problems - lack of emotional investment

I could probably expand on each one of these topics for 150 words, but I think the one I could most easily talk about is the dream of financial security. This is something that has been a part of my general life goal for a long time. I have always had a mild fascination with money, how something intrinsically worthless can represent the purchase of a nearly infinite number of goods and services. Now, I know what you’re thinking: money can’t buy happiness, and you’re right. But it can buy everything else. To me, money more than material items, money is freedom. It is the freedom to crash your car and buy a new one that afternoon without reallocating your entire budget. It’s the freedom to sit down at a nice restaurant and order every dessert on the menu because they all look good. It’s the freedom to ask your family where they want to go for spring break and have the whole world as an option. It is the freedom from worrying about paying for medical treatments or special medicine for a loved one. It is the freedom to help whoever you want to help, to donate to whatever issue you are passionate about. To build a hospital, to found a charity, to enact change or make a difference on a local, national, international scale! All you need is money, Bloom.  

Grey

Fears: death in a car accident, living an insignificant life, failing to find passion, insanity
Annoyances: Republicans, just kidding; not really. lacking compassion, bigotry. (I didn't even need to specify Republicans, that's a perfect description. kidding) people screaming at lunch as if the cafeteria were a watering hole in the Saharan Desert. being woken up in the morning by my cheerful father i.am.not.happy.to.get.up. the least you could do is be mean about it
Accomplishments:  the semblance of sanity. no really. you don't understand. for my family this is major.
Confusions: religion, love, time, aging gracefully. how high school is supposed to prepare me for the real world. Oh, I get it now. its preparing us for the "Real World". mind blown.
Sorrows: sunny days. wasted time.
Dreams: to create. sip coffee in Seattle. explore the world. peace. be katherine hepburn.
Idiosyncrasies: I swear like a sailor and incessantly make alcohol related jokes; i really should have been born catholic. i write in short, choppy sentences. i laugh at everything.everything. sometimes i burst out into laughter from just thinking of a funny tv show or past event. but I dont mind, I hear laughing keeps your spirit young
Risks: i avoid the risk of taking risks. should probably try to fix that
Beloved Possessions: books (way then) iTouch (then) laptop/brain (now) i wish books were still as beloved. the portals they provide to other worlds are priceless.
Problem: what problems? oh, those things i shove to the back of my mind and hope go away. time management. motivation. reality. patience.

I blame my grandmother. god love her. but she worries about everything and the sweet thing has imparted that gift to me as well. i am most comfortable simply sitting and thinking, the best would be in a comfortable chair in front of a tall glass window over looking a field on a (grey) rainy day. but this can be haunting at the same time. i tend to go through long periods of time, as in months, when my thoughts are dominated by one singular fear. my performance in school or work is never affected, (i am a high functioning crazy) but the minute there is no more work to be done the darkness comes flooding back. when i become extremely stressed the only thing to calm me down is to clean my room, the kitchen, the living room, and occasionally the bricks on our house. I think all the way through these activities but i am in control of something. the world is bending to my command. currently my thoughts are pervaded by failing discover what i want to do with my life, never amounting to anything, dying an insignificant nothing. i want to discover something to be passionate about, something beautiful. then death can come like an old friend; peace.

Oh my lord, that paragraph has emotions in it! how is that possible? I don't have emotions. I had my heart removed to avoid this. Jesus. I blame Doctor Who. *don't you dare roll your eyes* until you watch it you have no idea. Imagine that scene in the cartoon version of the Grinch where his heart grows to 3 times its normal size. that's what Doctor Who does. this has got to stop. I need a drink.

(whoever reads this deserves some sort of payment. i know its typically rude to use acquaintances as therapists so i am happy to offer compensation)

Assignment 8

Fears: Everything (life, future, anything that might impair academic performance, health, failure, heights, etc.)
Annoyances: Arrogance, argument/debate, contemporary pop culture, ignorance, material excesses, reality TV, and political zealousness.
Accomplishments: I can play the guitar
Confusions: Balancing academic, athletic, and extracurricular activities; decisions
Sorrows: Work
Dreams: Success, happiness
Idiosyncrasies: I tend to be fairly anxious
Risks: Challenging courses
Beloved Possessions: My collection of books (then and now), my old gameboy (then and now).
Problems: Organization, time management, and school

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is...fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."- Franklin D. Roosevelt, in his first inaugural speech

The preceding statement, by perhaps the greatest, strongest, and most effective leader that this country has ever witnessed, is absolutely correct its underlying message, yet even when I think of this quote with its immensely thought-provoking implications concealed behind compelling rhetorical pretense, the fear that I experience on a daily basis remains as perpetually distressing and persistent as ever. This fact holds true for most everybody; everybody experiences fear to varying extents. Fear is instinctual, and many species of organisms on Earth, including humans, are biologically predisposed to perceive fear as it presents a survival advantage to those organisms fortunate (or unfortunate enough) to possess it. Fear allows people, and other organisms, to sense potentially life-threatening situations so that these individuals may have the ability and drive to avoid these situations if at all possible. Fear of the most basic and primordial dangers, such as heights and ferocious animals, have been characteristic of common human fears since the earliest man. However, within the past few millennia, humans have come to fear other matters that they have associated with a successful life, including monetary wealth and possessions. In a society where competition has become part of the national identity and culture--where there is pressure among academics and scholars to maintain grades and attend challenging colleges--fear of academic pursuits has become a significant stressor in the modern world. Considering that I am already an anxious person, this fear of success one of my worst fears.

Dreamery

Letting Myself Down
Hypocrisy (My own), False Preconceptions
Knowledge of myself
The Future, Balance
Anachronistic Birth
Dreams of Honesty and Humble Knowledge
Awkwardness
Urban Exploration
Then Rocks and Trinkets, now Books
Lack of Balance

     I do have to saw that my dreams for the future have been perverted by my experience and things I've been exposed to in my life, but this is the way that all men find themselves when faced with the inevitable rushing forth of the world. Dreams in general are a fickle thing, over time one that seemed so dire may be replaced by some new and vibrant idea. Dreams are separate from goals but the very basis for those goals. Many I know have dreams of grandeur or great success, fiscal or otherwise, but I require neither the respect of others nor the Wealth of man. Through my reading and experience I have come to value more and more the simplicity and humility that can be found in life if you know where too look. At the age of forty five I hope to move to Canada and build a rough cabin in the woods, utilities only a brook and a wood-stove; Spend my days reading and setting out food for the jays and mice, smoking an old sea-captain's pipe and tending a small orchard. To live as man was intended is how I wish to live out my Last days.
     In the meantime I dream of Going to college for maybe eight years, then a technical school to learn trades, the universal employment opportunity. I dream of building a mobile home and travelling around the country, then the continent, then the hemisphere, never working or living in one place for more than a few months at a time. Working hard with my hands by day and reclining to Tolstoy and a milk-crate of records in the evenings, I Dream of  Balance. Frugal and honest living, reward of an honest craft and a betterment of intellectual worth going hand in hand in hand. Then with a modest amount of money set aside from everything I've ever made, I hope to travel abroad, see the post-soviet bloc in all its beautiful decay, and the ancient shrines of Japan and Siam. I'm not a country-jumper, like so many kids I know my age. I'm not so naive as to deny The United States its worth, its wealth in land and culture. I only wish to see the world outside once I have attained mastery of my own. I dream to accumulate unsurpassed amounts of wealth of the soul and then retire to the woods to let death take me, Content with a life well lived.

Why Connor Will Die in his Twenties

Fear- Spiders
Annoyance- People who always take everything seriously
Accomplishment- Summitted an 11,736-ft peak
Confusion- How do you know if you're colorblind? Who determines what name goes with what color?
Sorrow- That people actually care about Honeybooboo
Dream- Being a professional pilot
Idiosyncrasies- I tap doorframes as I walk under, my food CANNOT touch on my plate, and whenever I see a collection of numbers I automatically do math stuff with them for no reason
Risks- disregard for safety, addiction to heights
Beloved Possessions- stuffed wolf collection (then), me (now)
Problems- I can't sense people's emotions for my life, and I tend to drive people away with my *cough* overenthusiastic personality


Oh, risk-taking.  You will probably legitimately be the death of me.  When people warn you of potential dangers, most people think "I will remember not to get myself into that situation."  I, meanwhile, am thinking "That... kinda sounds fun."  This goes for everything.  I sort of want to get lost in the wilderness, just to see how well I could survive and how long it would take to get out.  Whenever I look over a ledge, I wonder whether or not the fall would be survivable, and how bad it would mess me up.  I think drifting my car around a corner would be insanely fun.  I live for the experience, and the bragging rights of surviving stupid stuff.  And darn, do I do stupid stuff.  Some were especially bad, like hanging off the edge of a small cliff and canoeing during a lightning storm.  Some things I'm not as proud of in retrospect, so we shall not speak of them.  MOST things I've done aren't life-threatening, and I've suffered my share of  minor consequences.  One shameful experience broke my toe, and another left some unfortunate rashes.  Along with heights, I seem to be addicted to near-freezing water, and have caught many colds as a result.  I was so pleased when people started saying YOLO.  I thought "Wow, the perfect catchphrase!"  Then people started bashing it for being stupid.  They're right.  It is.  But maybe that's why I love it.  The constant stupid risk of injury makes me feel alive.  It's just this indescribable rush, and everything else seems dull and boring.  Like school. UGH.  Needs more fights.  Also, obstacle courses between classes.  With spikes.  And flamethrowers.  Just... no spiders.  Please.

Globophobia

Fear: Balloons

Annoyances: disrespect

Accomplishments: aren’t important to me

Confusions: divorce

Sorrows: Sin

Dreams: Family

Idiosyncrasies: Punk Music

Risks: are necessary to get anything done

Beloved Possessions: Mac, phone, music, family, relationships (now) legos(then)

Problems: History

My fear of balloons has always been a hot topic among those who know about it. Often, it is also exploited, because at first, most think I’m kidding, or they don’t take it seriously. But to me it is very serious, and also one of the few things about myself I’m actually embarrassed about. So focusing on this topic is somewhat of an attempt at self-therapy.

Here’s how it began:

According to my mother, on my 2^nd or 3^rd birthday, my parents took me and my newborn sister to Cheddars, and the waitress brought me balloons. Not aware of the physical properties of the colorful item in my grasp, I declared it a pillow. So, I laid it against the wall, pressed my head against it, and it popped in my ear, and I was apparently very upset about it.

And ever since, the anxiety of seeing a balloon, or even worse, a bunch of balloons is overwhelming that sometimes I even have to leave the area, as most of my friends experienced at a church trip when thousands of balloons were released into a stadium full of children. I took one thing from that trip. Immersion therapy will never help me overcome my irrational fear of balloons, (Globophobia).

http://globophobia.webs.com

i dont even know

Writing Territories

Fears – never being adequate, saying the wrong thing, having no control over the future, never being able to change, some other adolescent stuff etc etc etc

Annoyances – having to make conversation when I just plain don’t feel like it/have nothing notable to say

Accomplishments – longest running time for accomplishing nothing with my life. Going on 16 years. I deserve an award.

Confusions – why can’t I get anything done

Sorrows – caring what other people think, feeling like my actions are being scrutinized

Dreams – to get out of my head and do something unrepayable for someone else/to acquire the superpower of not giving a damn/stop saying “I don’t even know” as a conversation substitute

Idiosyncrasies – I swear an unladylike amount

Risks – letting the future take its own course

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then – video games then, video games now

Problems – I haven’t done any homework all day today.

I really just do not want to give a damn about anything, ever. Not in a way where I stop showering and just eat whatever the hell I want because I just don’t even give a damn if I’m gross (not that I don’t prefer that lifestyle, but I’m going to have to become acquainted with the opposite sex one day, so y’know, I sort of have to), but in the way that I don’t have a filter on my mouth trying to make everything I say sound socially acceptable and polite. Those odd moments where I’m like oh what the hell and just start saying whatever I want regardless of how it sounds are the times when I get odd looks and the feeling that I’m not following social decorum. But I don’t want to follow social decorum. I want to not give a damn. It’s silly, because the people I know in high school will be the least pertinent to my overall life than anybody else I will ever know. But still I persist in trying to be socially acceptable. And yet I realize that this way of living is making my life dull. I look at people who do whatever they want and envy them because they just don’t even have the capacity to give a damn. Seriously, please teach me. Because I hate caring about stuff. It’s so lame. I just want to do whatever I want all the time and be ugly on the days when I feel like it and ugh I don't know

Assignment 8

Writing Territories

Fears

Annoyances

Accomplishments

Confusions

Sorrows

Dreams

Idiosyncrasies

Risks

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then

Problems

 

Paralyzed

Overly apologizing

Baseball

Life

Quitiing a sport

Livean easy life

Zombie Apocalypses

Skydiving

Derek Jeter Signature

Career options

 

I don't know why I am sooo obsessed with the idea of a zombie apocalypse, but I have always kind of wanted one to happy. I picked this for my idiosyncrasies because I feel like every time I meet someone new, I always judge them on wether or not I would take them with me in my survival group when a zombie apocalypse happens. I blame my addiction for this to the show the walking dead, which I am currently watching as I write this, and by the way I highly suggest that you watch this show. But anyways, I find this habit to be very strange because the likelyhood that a zombie apocalypse to even occur is very slim, but also when you first meet someone you don't really think if they would be a good partner to help fend off milions of zombies.

Freedom of speech people, use it

Fears: Dying

Annoyances: Not saying your feelings. 

Accomplishments: Master Pilot

Confusions: I guess I would put death in here too

Sorrows: Not giving 110% when I needed to

Dreams: To be a part of Doctors with out Borders one day

Idiosyncrasies: Caring too much about little things

Risks: Relationships

Beloved Possessions: My "special" pillow (then), my ipod (now)

Problems: Procrastination 

Not saying what you feel is probably one of the most annoying things anyone can do. I don't mean in the relationship, lovey-dovey, miscommunications (and I'm sure those are just as annoying) sense, I mean the "where do you want to go to dinner?" "I don't know", like YES YOU DO!!! I also hate when you ask someone what's wrong, or if there okay, and they're like "nothing" or "I'm fine,"... of course your not because I wouldn't have asked you if something was wrong!!!!! Too add to that, I really hate it when people ask if something is okay, or if you liked something, and we, as polite humans, are programmed to reply with a response that is exactly what they would like to hear. Just say what you truly feel!! Seriously, tell me that you don't like the dress I'm about to buy for fifty bucks so I don't waste my money, or tell me if something wasn't fun, that way I won't make someone else do it too! All of this probably seems like I ranting about a specific person, or situation, but I'm not. Quiet, conservative (not in the political sense) people just really bug me, and I know that I am just as guilty about not saying what I feel as the scenarios that I just described, but I am willing to work on it! 

Risk Taking

Fears: being alone/in the dark

Annoyances: egotism

Accomplishments: mission

Confusions: manipulation

Sorrows: past

Dreams: loving/living life to the fullest

Idiosyncrasies: proving myself

Risks: trust

Beloved Possessions: letters (then), violin (now)

Problems: envy

Risks are chances for people to discover something about themselves. Risks are mysterious; they are both wonderful and detrimental. One risk could lead you to a whole new life. One could lead you to pain and harm. One could end up being a moment eventually disappearing into your past. Risks are always lurking, but only you can make the decision to take it. Risks depend on judgement and inclination. Whether you take it or not is the determiner. 

So what is risk? Well, that's for you to decide. But for me, the ultimate risk is merely trust.

Trust can be having faith in someone you love. And with that, they can either make you the happiest person alive, or tear you apart. Trust can be seeking assurance from someone you idolize. They can help you through whatever you're struggling with, or they can shut you down. The problem is, you never know which outcome it will be. And that's when the decision of when to trust comes into play. 

As life continues on, we grow to learn from our mistakes. We learn to make decisions based on the best scenario. We make decisions based on pro/con lists, past experiences, curiosity. Whether to trust or not has a huge role in our lives. We have to decipher when the correct times for faith is, and when we should avoid trusting. Trust is one of the key factors for determining our future. 

So trust wisely; take risks with caution.

Hubba, hubba.

• Fears - never amounting to anything, never being happy, other depressing stuff that I hate dwelling on.
• Annoyances - absolutely anything can become an annoyance to me with enough exposure, but people who are unwilling to listen/yield to other opinions are particularly infuriating.
• Accomplishments - My writing has made people cry before. Not out of how terrible it is, mind you, but the emotion packed into it. So many feelings.
• Confusions - what to put in this section. I guess... how can people be so attractive? Seriously, how does that even work.
• Sorrows - the fact that I can't simply will fictional characters into reality or will people in/out of my vicinity.
• Dreams - to actually write the books I have planned, write them well, and to actually make money off of them. 
• Idiosyncrasies - biting/picking at my nails.
• Risks - wanting my career to be in creative writing.
• Beloved Possessions, Now and Then - Then, it was the computer. Now, it's still the computer. Maybe this could go under 'sorrows'.
• Problems - Hoo, boy. I'll just sum it up with the fact that I'm probably the biggest dingus you ever did meet. My dingus levels are off the charts. I'm a professional dingus with a doctorate in the science of dingus. I am Dr. Dingus.

Without sounding as though I'm just tossing kindling onto a fire of self-pity, I really do wonder how people can be so good looking. I mean, dang. Like. Dang. 

Not to say that I don't think I'm good looking. I'm confident in the fact that I'm not absolutely hideous. People don't gag at the sight of me, so I would say I'm good to go. But even so, sometimes I just sit (usually in front of my computer screen, ogling at some baber or another) and marvel at the fact that people are freaking nice. 

I hope I'm not sounding like the most typical teenage girl ever, gushing over attractive men, but good Lord, men are attractive. Women are, too! Just. Everyone is totally gorgeous and it confuses me how they do it. And there's so many shades of gorgeous, too. The sexy spectrum knows no bounds. Is there some sort of secret recipe for hotness that's kept under nucleotide-sized lock and key by the biology commanding our genetics? Maybe there's a YouTube tutorial on how to properly apply genetic makeup.

You probably have a celebrity crush, or at least a crush on someone whose image you can find on Google. Look them up right now. This is a creepy suggestion, but study them. Really look at them. Doesn't it boggle your mind how attractive they are? Doesn't it just make you wonder how they do it? Have you seen Robert Downey Jr. in a tank top?

Seriously mind-blowing.

How do hot people do it.

Pest

Fears - storms
Annoyances - willful ignorance
Accomplishments - academic accolades
Confusions - reading people
Sorrows - inadequacy
Dreams - marriage/family (in due time)
Idiosyncrasies - obsessive knowledge-seeking
Risks - nothing i'd like to share with the class
Beloved Possessions, Now and Then - relationships (now), rock collection (then)
Problems - argumentative

I am the worst kind of know-it-all. I am the kind of person who MUST know it all. There is no option for saying "I don't care" and moving on. And there certainly is not an exception for that which does not have an objective truth. In my twisted little mind there is no such thing as subjectivity. I or anybody else can say there is all they want, but at the end of the day I'm just going to end up functioning like there's a right answer to everything. And the worst part is, once I think I have the answer, you'll have a hell of a time convincing me I don't. Because it's so hard to say I was wrong, and you were right. Especially when as far as I can see you really ARE wrong.

And if you're wrong don't think I won't let you know. Oh boy, will you know. You will hear about it and until you know it you won't hear the end of it. There's zero tolerance for wrongness in my world. There's no such thing as "not mattering" here. No matter the size of the offense, if you're wrong you're wrong, and you will be corrected.

And if I don't know something, well that just won't do. No, something has to be done about that. So I'll dig at the truth like a starving wretch who thinks he's found some little spot of oasis in the desert. I've gotten better about how obvious I am with it, but trust me, if you've got information I don't, you can bet I'll be coveting it. If I feel like everyone else knows something I don't, I'll be furious. There's a conspiracy, of course. Everyone simply wants to keep me out of the loop. Everyone must be against me. Well, screw you too.

And the worst part is, if anyone else acted like I do, they'd be despicable. I wouldn't want anything to do with this annoying, entitled little pest who's so convinced he's right. And honestly, I don't know why anyone else would either. 

I am sorry

Soundtrack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUzxq9-2bBk

Fears

I possess the rather common fear of imposing among people I look up to. I fear that my life will amount to nothing. I fear that I will choose the “wrong” path, and alter the course of my happy life. I fear that I am unattractive, and I fear sharks. I fear that I disappoint people, and I fear that I am unintelligent. These are pathetic qualities of mine, and sometimes I wallow in them.

Annoyances

It irks me quite a bit when people accuse me of being a “pothead” or one of that crowd. These accusations are spurred, I suppose, by my oddness and crude humor. This bothers me because people of that genre, if you will, tend to be seen as lazy, stupid “yeah, man” punks. I do not subscribe to the philosophy of altering your mind to escape pain, or go numb. I crave knowledge, and do not like my thoughts to be muddled even further into incoherence. I also hate it when people do things that bother me about myself.

It annoys me when people make themselves into martyrs.

Accomplishments

I can swallow my pride, and just work at something. I can take control in chaos.

Confusions

Confused about the kind of persona I would like to establish. Confused about my future, and my knees.

Sorrows

I am sorry for hurting people. I am sorry for being selfish, and for the selfish things I do. I am sorry because most of the hate I harbor is born from jealousy.

Dreams

Being respected as a musician, having that feeling. Having created something beautiful and solid.

Idiosyncrasies

If I touch something with one hand, sometimes I have to touch it with the other hand to… even the score? I can convince myself of anything negative. “If you don’t make your alarm clock number even, tomorrow you will die.” Etc.

Risks

Eating fire. I only take risks after very extensively calculating and weighing the possible consequences. I still take chances with my life, but they are never rash, as they may seem to the outside eye.

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then

Then- stuffed dog, “Black Silk”

Now- My real dog, my hair (to hide behind).

Problems

I’m hypocritical and hypercritical. I am very sensitive and jealous.

Feather Comforters

Fears; fate

Annoyances; loud music

Accomplishments; active awareness

Confusions;  the reemergence of the “soft grunge” blogs

Sorrows; having a stranger as a brother

Dreams; holistic nutrition, feather comforters that never lose their shape

Idiosyncrasies; every emotion I display ends up transforming into a smile

Risks; brief stint with horse acrobatics

Beloved Possessions; now-  my bookshelf. then- my bookshelf.

Problems; living in the past, living in the future, living anything but the present

I think I’ll elaborate on my feather comforter, that damn thing. I have gone through three different types of feather comforters in my years. The first one I had to get rid of because my cat peed in it, so we can completely erase that one from the equation. I depend on this comforter to keep me warm; I am a warm-blooded creature that somehow still manages to be uncomfortably cold 24/7. In the winter, I sleep with three blankets, that comforter, and flannel pajamas. In the summer, I sleep with a sheet and, not surprisingly, that evil comforter. How can I stay warm when all of the feathers migrate toward the bottom of the bedding? Goose feathers, why must you disappoint me? I can’t remain comfortable when one side of the bed is blessed with a mountain of down feathers, while the other side is unproportionally lumpy and bare of warmth. I should just protest down comforters, I really should. I spend every single night shaking out my bedding, desperately hoping that I can balance the feather-to-sheet ratio. The problem with this, you see, is that it’s only a temporary fix. I wake up cold because the feathers have left my side and scooted down to hang over the side of the bed. It’s preposterous, it really is, seeing a comforter transform from perfectly fluffy to unevenly lumped. 

writing territories

Fears: brain injury and brain cancer
Annoyances: society's obsession with extroversion
Accomplishments: hiking barefoot in vermont
Confusions: people; errands
Sorrows: disappointing myself and those i respect
Dreams: harvey mudd; theory of everything
Idiosyncrasies: maximization of time spent barefoot
Risks: my risk-taking behavior does not conform to any particular pattern
Beloved Possessions: nerd books (now), nerd books (then)
Problems: being too hard on myself; over-thinking 

     the odd things people do are the most interesting, as they give insights into their inner workings. i have no idea what these insights actually are, but their behavioral manifestations certainly are amusing. i wish i could objectively judge my behaviors, as that would allow me to better understand myself. 
     i do not wear shoes unless i really have to, like at school and in the cold and whatnot. from april through september i do everything i possibly can barefoot. throw some acorns on the ground and i will step on them without batting an eye. gravel? no problem. hiking and climbing on rocks in a gorge? easy. but i will wear shoes in water because it makes me feel less exposed to sharks. sharks are everywhere if you use your imagination, even in pools and the quarter inch of water in a shower.
     cleaning and such is another one of these contradictory things. dishwashers and used dishes are honestly the most disgusting, abhorrent things of all time. i am not joking about this in the slightest. it makes me sick to my stomach to think about how dishwashers work. i have to inspect carefully every glass, every plate, every piece of silverware before i use it. i wash it thoroughly myself. so i usually eat with my hands whenever possible. but everything else i don't care if it is clean or not. just ask keaton about my middle passage bathtub. i really don't like to clean or pick things up. having lots of clutter is comforting, and it also keeps you on your toes. you have to be on the lookout for an obstacle. if there is something physically in the way, don't move it. just cleverly maneuver around it. it makes simple tasks like traveling across your room into adventures fraught with danger. my dog actually threw up in my room right in front of my door 4 weeks ago tonight. i kept telling myself that i should clean it up later but never actually got around to it, so now it is a sort of game or challenge to myself to see how long i can leave it there. i guess that is kind of gross but i don't really care what you people think of me. the only time i clean up my room is right after i have spotted a large spider in there. but i have to kill it before i move anything because it is probably ready to pounce and attack. i keep a special golfclub in my room just for killing spiders, but there are lots of creative ways to kill them. they do not like to be sprayed with febreeze, and this is fun to watch.

Writing Territories

Writing Territories

Fears:Getting raped or kidnapped, not having any friends, having everyone hate me

Annoyances:People that complain(especially about how "tired" they are),people that don't try whatsoever

Accomplishments:Swimming

Confusions:Afterlife; How did we decide on what certain things would be named? language in general

Sorrows:Family members dying

Dreams:Be happy always and go to the olympics

Idiosyncrasies:Adding up the numbers on the clock or date and thinking it's bad luck if it adds up to six

Risks:jumping off cliffs and platforms

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then: My blanket(then) phone, relationships(now)

Problems:sitting around and doing nothing

Seriously, what good do you get out of complaining 24/7? What does being negative gain for you? Although I have a lot of pet peeves, this would have to be at the top of the list. It absolutely drives me crazy, but I try not to say anything because I hate for people to be mad at me. Saying you are so hungry and tired isn't going to make you less hungry and tired..no you are just being a negative person and bringing everyone that you are talking to down. This mainly gets me when I have morning practice because I don't want to hear that you are tired; I have been up since 4 and am not complaining..Saying "I'm so fat" is not going to make you skinny. Goodness, this one really gets me:When people complain about being fat and then go eat a bunch of unhealthy, unnecessary amount of food. Like go run! If it bothers you so much, then do something about it instead of complaining about it all the time. Also, some people just say this to get attention and so that people will be like " aw no you are so pretty and skinny." Stop seeking attention! The next pet peeve is people not trying at all and thinking they are cool for it. This happens a lot at Henry Clay I have noticed. You do not have to be the brightest of the bunch to do a simple homework assignment that is usually graded for completion. That is just laziness and a complete lack of trying if you can't at least put something down. Some people have so much potential in life, but they waste it so they can feel "cool" for "not caring about anything." No, it will not be cool when you leave this school and do not have an education or job. Sorry for my ranting, but those are my  annoyances. 

writing territories

I was once told to fear nothing but fear itself. I'd like to believe that is true but it probably isn't. I fear what most people fear:getting caught by something under my bed when the covers aren't on my feet, someone chasing me up the stairs after I turn the lights off, losing a loved one getting in bad trouble, etc.
There are so many little things that can annoy me, but they usually depend on my mood. I am annoyed when someone breathes heavily through their nose as they eat. My sister also tends to annoy me sometimes
I hope that I will have some greater accomplishments in the future, but here is what I have so far:Actually I rather not discuss my accomplishments although I do think of wrestling when I think of accomplishments.
Confusions: Life
Sorrows: A little confused on this one. I'm gonna go with anger on this one too.
Dreams: I had this weird dream the other night about a monster and a... Jk I feel like my dreams change a lot. I guess my dreams are to be sccessful and make a positive impact on the world. I guess those are more like goals. I woulssay I dream about the olympics.
Idiosyncrasies: athlete?
Risks:Everyday
Beloved Posessions:then--legos, G.I Joes, my cowboy boots. Now:ipod, bible, license, phone, and a special letter.
Problems:Math, yeah math is a big problem. :(

Confusions expanded:We are at an age where many things are confusing and things that used to be confusing no longer are. I am confused as to how they fit such a large ship into a glass bottle. Jk, what confuses me is life and our true purposes on this Earth and what I should really be doing. I try not to bring religion into this. We are so confused though by what we really need to be doing and what our future holds and what we are destined to do and be and what not.

Entrée

being left
closed minded people
rebuilt houses & lives
why people can't walk at a reasonable pace
the end
Santiago de Compostela
"Chicago"
love
Taffy the stuffed dog (then), necklace & key (now)
change

She'd spent her whole life avoiding change at all costs. Same routine. Day in. Day out. 6:30 wake up. Run 5.6 miles, then in the shower by 7:15. The library would be graced with her appearance soon after. Head down, laboring studiously, until 9 when classes began. At 1:07, lunch at the corner cafe - same table, same chair, same position. Same faces each day - passing her by in a blur.

Yet change was inevitable. And she resented that. Change was the enemy. But everyone succumbed eventually - death itself was the greatest change of all. Days, weeks, years trudged on. Everything around her evolved, yet she remained fixed. But the core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences. It was inevitable that she would break away. And when she did, she would do it with characteristic immoderation.

. . .

She stared ahead, her emerald green eyes distorted by the spider's web of cracks that defined the mirror in front of her. Her fingers clutched the edge of the sink. Her gaze fell onto the metal object, sharp edge glimmering beneath the florescent lights. Slowly, hands shaking, she gathered her long auburn curls. Her fingers fumbled on the slick sink for the blade. Resolute determination steadied her hand as she felled curls, fallen soldiers littering the battlefield. She disposed of the deceased with a solemn finality.

As she swung her pack onto her back, she reread the words inscribed into the tile above the door way - "Entrée". New day. New year. New city. New country. New her. This was the beginning. The beginning of her journey, her pilgrimage. The beginning of the path, the way. The beginning of change.

Panic on Tates Creek

Fear: Haunted trails, movies, or houses
Annoyance: Loud gum chewers, really loud eaters
Accomplishment: Governors School for the Arts
Confusion: People
Sorrow: Abused children
Dream: To learn parkour
Idiosyncrasies: I sleep with my fan on year round
Risk: The sling shot ride
Beloved Possessions: My Bunny (then), my fuzzy red with pink polka dot socks (now)
Problems: Perfection


I don't do scary things at all. I have done Terror on Tates Creek, both the house and the trail, and the Trail of Terror. I just can't physically make it through the entire thing. Last year my brother went with a bunch of his friends to Terror on Tates Creek, so I was like yea I can do this, false. I brought Kristen and Meg with me and we got tickets for both the trail and the house and decided to do the house first. Well we waited in line for over an hour maybe even two, but my mom had made it through the trail with my brother and I was already about to freak out so I made her get a ticket and come with us. Well I survived the house and by that point it was about midnight, so we decided to come back another night for the trail. First off I get really anxious about certain things and scary stuff is one of those. So Kristen and I went back for the trail with my brother and we get there right when they opened so there weren't many people there and I started doing the whole you can go ahead of us deal. Eventually we went in with another dad and his son, who probably wasn't older than ten. I started off pretty good until I turned around at one point and this dude was following me. I was about the lose my mind at that point because he was right behind me, so I tried to get in front of my brother to be in the middle but he and I tripped and fell because there was an incline that we didn't see, and the guy that was following us asked if we were okay and before I could even stand up I was in full blown tears and all I could manage to say was, "No you don't understand you have to get me out of here right now." My heart was racing and I could hardly breathe. The guy finally took his mask off and said if you walk through the next room there will be a lady with a walkie talkie that can get you out. I didn't want to walk through the next room but I did. The people still scared us, I mean seriously did you not just hear what happened, I understand wanting to scare people but this was a whole new level. So the lady walkie talkies for me to get out and my brother decided to stays with me and all I could do was think there was something that was going to jump out and scare me. The EMS, emergency medical staff, showed up to get me out and I'm still in tears and I asked if there was anything that was going to scare me. I made it back to the car and waited for Kristen who walked the rest of the way with the dad and son who probably think I'm mentally insane. I later learned I experienced what is known as a panic attack. I am never ever going back again because I didn't sleep for a month. I am very open about this because I could care less if people know, or what they think about it. I laugh about it, it's funny, but at the time it wasn't.

Writing Territories - Kono

Falling (Heights)
Bossiness
Trained my dog to fetch the newspaper
Politics
Obesity
Do a handstand
Edible bugs
Being yourself in public
Fake lizards (then), my dog (now)
Competitiveness


As the fourth and last child of my family I get VERY annoyed with bossy people. People think that being the "baby" of the family is a privilege. But it's not. Because everybody is above you. In my case, my dad, my mom, my sister, and my twin brothers have the "privilege" of telling me what to do. The only things I have authority over are my pets (sometimes). Because I have to endure this at home, facing this at school, swim practice, or when I'm with my friends makes it unbearable. It's understandable when it's a teacher or a coach or when someone is asking politely for a favor, but when a peer or person who has no right to have authority over me bosses me around I become very annoyed. It's a personal thing. When I feel like I'm forced to do something that I don't agree with I retaliate (I'm such a rebel...). Sometimes I'm just stubborn and cranky (who could imagine?), but other times it's the fact that others are becoming extremely demanding and needy.

Apollo 7

On October 11th, 1968, the Apollo 7 Space Mission was launched. This marked the very first TV broadcast from space. I find this event extremely important because it marks the very first time the world could see the universe around them. The general public was able to experience outer space even if they would never have the opportunity to go out and be in it. The TV broadcast also made space journeys a reality. I believe this marks the beginning of America's obsession with outer space which brought the country together. Negative consequences of historic event include the now mundane-ness of space. We know we can go out into the universe, we can see photographs of the depths of space that only one hundred years ago no one could have even imagined. The huge expanses of the universe are now day-to-day facts, it no longer amazes. In my opinion, the Apollo 7 TV broadcast marked the beginning of this desensitization of the wonder we call outer space.

I want to live in DC, Alaska

Mental illness

Provincial attitudes

Just made a mean quesadilla

Odontology

Being in high school

DC in Alaska

Are good.

Mannequin head. Maps. (then and now).

Groups.

I'm not really a person who engages in stereotypical risky behavior. Thus, it might be a little surprising that I unequivocally believe that risks are overstated. Ulrich Beck wrote a critique of risk society. I didn't read it. But my understanding is that the crux of his argument was that we, as a society, spend too much time trying to avoid infinitesimally small risks at the cost of great reward.

Obviously, there are areas where this doesn't hold true. Drug use or financial speculation, for instance. But some places, it really does.

I cringe whenever I hear "safety is our number one priority" or "safety is why we're here." We're incredibly safe. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. The problem is that it begins to impede upon our experiences. People too terrified of poor people to enter certain neighborhoods. People too afraid of animals to enter an area.

Some of this sounds a little over the top. Don't go run into traffic or anything right now. I'm partially channeling my summer, where I went from one end of the risk spectrum to the other, while attitudes around me were shockingly nonresponsive.

I spent a month in Denali NP, AK. Lots of bears. Guy there just got eaten by one. Pretty risky, but we were chill about it.

Then I went to Stanford (NorCal) for two weeks. We weren't allowed to go into one of the parks because of animals. Really? Animals? As in, squirrels? We weren't allowed to walk alone (I can't count how many times I broke that one). Safety in numbers, they said. Safety from what?

So the point of my argument is that a life based on risk aversion is a sorry life indeed. There's no need to take pointless risk, but just because something entails a measure of risk shouldn't mean an automatic write off. 

Assignment 8: "I never had to choose my subject- my subject rather chose me"

Writing territories are a range of ideas that one generates to spark their writing. In general, it is just one of the many ways one can brainstorm for different types of writing.

This week's blog is more undefined than others because it depends so much on your unique personal experiences. Below, is a list of 10 writing territories and you'll begin by answering them. Your answers do not have to be lengthy, they only need to be definitive enough so that you, the writer, could look back at it weeks from now and it could trigger what you were thinking about.

Writing Territories

Fears

Annoyances

Accomplishments

Confusions

Sorrows

Dreams

Idiosyncrasies

Risks

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then

Problems

For instance, my list looks like:

drowning

rudeness

family/marriage

organization

anger

retirement travel

nerd

pilot's license

comic books (then), friendships (now)

Organization

Simple, right?

Now, once you have your list, choose one topic to expand upon in-depth (or at least 150 words). This may be as simple as an explanation of this topic (e.g. Organizationis a problem of mine because...). It may turn into to a short-story or a beginning of a short story. It may turn into a narrative of a memory. It may turn into a social commentary. It may turn into 150 words of freewrite. It may turn into something all together different and weird and delightful. Whatever you wrote down in your list, reflect upon it and allow it to guide your entry for the week.

"There is no rule on how to write. Sometimes it comes easily and perfectly; sometimes it's like drilling rock and then blasting it out with charges." -Ernest Hemingway

Due Sunday, October 21 at 11:59 pm