THIS IS HOMESTUCK RUN AWAY NOW

THIS IS THE BLOG ASSIGNMENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
Except not exactly, but whatever.
EVEN SO, I'M STILL INSANELY EXCITED. I GET TO RANT ABOUT MY FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND WHY HE'S A PERFECT DARLING BABY.
READY GO

Bro Strider.
Hands down.
Out of every fictional character, out of every webcomic character, out of every Homestuck character, I would want to be Bro Strider.
Admittedly, dying would sort of suck - the man gets impaled through the chest with his own sword by a very angry dog demon demigod who really didn't want to wear a silly hat - but who even cares. All existence previous to said dying would be AWESOME.

Let's talk about Bro Strider for a moment.
Look at this man.

His mysterious ways transcend irony once again.

JUST LOOK AT THIS BEHEMOTH OF DUDEBRO BADASSERY AND MASCULINITY.

Let's go down the Cool Guy Checklist.

Cool hat? Check.

Cool shades? Check.
Cool popped collar polo? Check.

Cool fingerless gloves? Check.

Cool shoes? Check.

THIS IS THE COOLEST GUY YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

He doesn't have it in the picture, but he also has a cool katana. It's literally unbreakable and can slice through meteors. 

Oh, and did I mention this man can move so fast that he can perform live-action stop motion puppetry?

He can move so quickly that you think you can see him, but nope, just an afterimage. Sonic the Hedgehog has nothing on Bro Strider.

This man doesn't just play God. He is God.

OK, so not only is Bro Strider cool - reason enough for anyone to want to be him - he's also just. He's so great. He's so, so great. He makes a living off of puppet ventriloquism rap acts and filming puppet pornography. If that isn't admirable, I don't know what is. He also makes puppet snuff films, which is just terrifying, but also cool as hell.

He also has a rocket board. Screw you, Marty McFly.

He's also cut and really hot. Just look at this.

BOOM BAM BITCHES HERE WE BE U MESS W/ DAVE U MESS W/ ME

EVEN THE AUTHOR OF THE COMIC CAN'T RESIST DRAWING HIM WITH A DELICIOUS TONED BOD. GOOD GOD, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT BOD.

Oh, and that's his puppet pal Lil' Cal at his side. Cal's an interesting specimen - he's been with Bro since birth, and he's also a little piece of Satan.

He can possess people's souls and Bro performs ventriloquism acts with this monster.

IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S COOL AS HELL, GET OUT.

I forgot to mention this earlier, but Bro's also all about irony. That's totally cool. It's dubious as to whether or not his love of puppets is ironic or not, but even so. Irony is still cool. This man could rap (literally) for hours about all of the complex twists and seductive curves of the ironic arts.

Except he's into guys, so I doubt there's gonna be a lot of ranting about sultry curves going on here.

OK, so I've sort of spent this whole time just gushing about Bro, but the reason I want to be him? I dunno. He's just. He's very awesome. I could ramble about how he holds a very deep personal significance to me, but I won't bore you with the details. Bottom line is, Bro is a crazy awesome badass babe of a bro. He doesn't have much character development in the actual comic - any and all character interpretations are very subjective, and some of them draw from Dirk's character, who is Bro's alternate universe self, but let's not get into that - but that doesn't make him any less of a perfect baby.

He's smart, strong, fast, and while his child rearing practices are questionable at best and abusive at worst,(the first thing he does when he brings his infant son-brother-thing home is chuck the kid like a football - really, Bro? Really?) depending on how you take things, Bro is still awesome. Dave, his adopted brother-actually-son, looks up to and idolizes his bro, and I can't blame him. The guy's awesome. 

Bro also obviously cares a whole lot about Dave. This parallel can be seen in Dirk's character, since Dirk really, really loves his friends and is a very caring person, and since they're the same guy, it makes sense that they'd both care a lot about the people they're close to. The aforementioned katana-meteor-slicing was done by Bro to save Dave from being crushed by the thing, and when Dave was falling off of the radio tower he was climbing, Bro sent his rocket board to go catch him. Sure, he may beat the crap out of his little brother during their Strifes, but he does all he can to keep the kid safe. That's really sweet and admirable.

But oh God.

Oh, God.

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HIS HERO'S DEATH.

AUGHHHHHHH

(but first lets have a piece of really pretty and perfect fanart because wowowowowowowow)

MAN OF MY DREAMS KING OF MY SOUL I LOVE YOU SO 

OK, so, Bro is the only one that can fight that demigod dog demon who didn't wanna wear a hat that I mentioned earlier, right? Out of all of Jack's (that's the guy's name) enemies, Bro is the only one who can go toe to toe with him. They duel twice, and it's during their second duel (which is when the actual transformation into a dog demon takes place - before that he was just a winged, tentacled, harlequin monster thing) that... oh, God, here come the waterworks... Bro is killed.

It's actually a really touching (not to mention kickass) battle. So, Jack was eager to continue the previously cut short duel that he and Bro had initiated, but then - BAM. DAVESPRITE IN THE HOUSE. (Davesprite is an alternate timeline version of Dave who's orange and part bird and yeah.) So Bro and Davesprite, brothers fighting back to back, start to battle Jack. All the while, Bro is putting himself in front of his brother, trying to keep him safe at all costs, and it's like... Dave's spent all his life looking up to Bro and being in his shadow and being beaten by him, but now they're on the same side and fighting together and they're equals. 

Then, things escalate.

Jack - through circumstances I won't bother explaining - becomes both part dog and gains what are essentially godlike powers, and it's then that he kills Bro. When we first learn of his death, we never see it happen. All we see is... well, this.

This scene is going to haunt my nightmares until the end of my days.

As well as Davesprite's pendant laying in a puddle of his blood, but that's a little bit of heartache I won't touch upon right now.

Bro died trying to keep his brother safe. Everything he did for Dave, it was to make him strong and to keep him safe. When Dave finds his body, he says that his bro is a hero, and it's true. Bro is very much a hero.

I just. I love this man so much. He's lovely and admirable and even though his death hurts to think about, I'd so love to be him. If I had to die, I'd want to die in the name of someone I care about. For all of Dave's life, he viewed Bro as a hero, and even in death Dave still thinks so highly of him.

Good God. My baby boys. My precious darling baby boys my sweethearts my soul mY DARLING CHILDREN THEYRE SUCH BABIES THAT CARE SO DEEPLY FOR EACH OTHER RGOUASDFJKLDGN,SDFSDF BRO DID EVERYTHING FOR DAVE AND JOUSLJKTSDMG.SDFNOSDNGSADF

Sorry. Had a little moment there. Anyways.

Bottom line is, Bro is amazing. If I had to be any man, I would be him. He's just. Perfect. And I will never be over his death, ever ever. If Hussie doesn't bring him back in some way, shape, or form by the end of the comic... there will be blood.

AND IIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU...

Goodnight, sweet Prince (of Heart). And flights of Davesprites sing thee to thy rest.