Phoenix Rising

(Soundtrack to this post)

I puzzled over how to answer this question for a bit. The question isn't simply "Who is your favorite fictional character?" or "Which fictional character do you admire the most?" The question is about which one I wish I were. But of course, for all the hatred I direct at myself, I don't necessarily think I'd be happier if I were any other sort of person. The idea of deciding who I would rather be is rather uncomfortable for me.

I decided the best way to answer this question was to pick a character that was overall pretty similar to me, but had achieved a greater amount of his or her potential than I have. I racked my brain for fictional characters I admired, and decided on one character not many of you may have heard of: Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix Wright is the main character of a video game series called Ace Attorney, which features his exploits as an up-and-coming defense attorney. Phoenix is, in many ways, similar to myself. He embarrasses himself, is in a near-constant state of anxious bewilderment, doubts himself often, and sometimes takes a little while to connect the dots. But Phoenix has his moments: beautiful, triumphant moments. He has his doubts, sure, and at many times throughout the course of the series it seems certain to him that the case is lot. But Phoenix perseveres, he keeps fighting until all options have been exhausted. He is unconventional - he once called a parrot to the stand, a risky move to be sure that eventually paid off many times over - he is witty, and once things begin to fall into place, he can be unfailingly confident.

I see in Phoenix many of my own failings, but I also see in him much of my own potential. The potential to achieve despite overwhelming obstacles. The potential to face uncertainty with bravery and confidence. The potential to save the lives of innocent people.

I have said frequently in the past that I wanted to go to law school, in order to become a lawyer of some kind - perhaps civil defense or litigator. Recently I have pulled away from this anticipation, after some sobering realizations about the job market in law and my own capabilities. But looking back now, I think I understand what made me certain I wanted to be a lawyer. Characters like Phoenix Wright and Atticus Finch demonstrated to me an ideal of a lawyer not as a scum-of-the-earth raqueteer, but as a confident and caring person who, through strong belief in justice and his convictions, could overcome all obstacles and win the day for fairness. Perhaps law isn't the best place for me to accomplish this sort of goal. But wherever I accomplish it, Phoenix will be an influence, a role model.

I'm satisfied by the idea of being Phoenix, because it does not require me to become an all new person, simply to become the best version of the person I already am.